


Bullet Wounds

by nathan_charles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, I suggest 18+, Slightly angst clarke, all the feels, imagine Lexa in a cop uniform, this is really gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-08 18:53:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15249807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathan_charles/pseuds/nathan_charles
Summary: the police AU nobody asked for.After being shot and losing both her father and partner, Clarke spends a month recovering and working behind her desk. Kane, her superior officer, is forced to drag her back on the playing field when crime rates suddenly spike. To keep Arcadia City from becoming the purge, he has a neighboring town transfer some of their officers. One of which is to be Clarke’s new partner.





	1. Officer Clarke Griffin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,001
> 
> Rating: pg-13 for suggestions of alcohol abuse and foul language

“Shit...” Clarke muttered under her breath as her palm banged on the large blocky computer in front of her. A few more curse words followed until she sat back in her chair with a long, stress ridden sigh. Her finger tips grinded into her temples at an attempt to relieve some stress, but it proved useless.

“You good, Griffin?” Raven Reyes asked from behind her. Clarke swiveled around to see her and gave a disgruntled look.

“You’re good at making computers work, right Reyes?” Clarke asked, a hint of desperation in her voice. Raven gave Clarke a sympathetic look in response. She understood Clarke’s frustrations entirely.

“Unfortunately my expertise doesn’t include dinosaurs like these guys” Raven replied with a pat on her computer. “Why don’t you call IT? Monty’ll make it work. He’s pretty good at making these useless things useful again” Clarke sighed at Raven’s words and turned back to her desk.

Clarke’s eyes wandered and examined all the things on her desk. They settled on a picture of her and her father with their police uniforms. It was from Clarke’s first day as an officer. Painful memories clouded her mind and she reached over to place the picture frame down so that she didn’t have to see it. Her gut clenched when she told herself that he was gone, and that he was never going to come back.

“Griffin,” a voice sounded from behind her. “Can you step into my office please” it was Marcus Kane, her boss. When she turned to see him, he was standing with his door ajar. Clarke nodded in response and stood up from her chair. She glanced over at Raven who gave her a reassuring smile.

Clarke walked past Marcus and into his office. He followed and closed the door securely behind him. He told her to sit, and she walked over to one of the two chairs placed in front of his desk. The name plate on his desk read “Chief Marcus Kane” and Clarke almost scoffed.

“Look, as you may have noticed we’ve been a little short staffed since...” Marcus began, but paused. “Since we lost some of our most valuable officers” he strained with pain in his voice. Clarke shifted uncomfortably, knowing exactly where he was going with this meeting.

“Recently there has been a spike in crime rates and well... we’re struggling to keep up. You’ve been doing well, I suppose? Back to good health?” Marcus asked as he took a seat behind his desk. Clarke bit her lip and nodded.

“Yes, sir” Clarke verbally confirmed and Marcus nodded in response. He ran his fingers through his beard before resting his elbows on the desk surface.

“Clarke, I need you back on the field” Marcus began and Clarke opened her mouth to protest but he held up his hand to cut her off. “Now listen to me, alright? I understand that it’s been really hard coping with your father and partner’s death. Jake and Wells were incredible officers and they saved many lives that night. You saved many lives that night.

“I’m very glad you’re still here Clarke, even if you’ve just been doing desk work for the past month. When Thelonious resigned, I thought you would follow, but you haven’t and I’m very grateful. I’ve been watching you closely and you’ve been working very diligently and meeting every deadline. I believe that you’re ready to get back out there, and I’m sure Jake would be very proud of you. I’ve made arrangements with bureau to transfer a few seasoned officers here for a while until we can train enough rookies to take their spot” Marcus seemed sincere with his words, but Clarke felt skeptical.

“I’m not going to be partnered with a rookie, am I?” She asked, well aware of the glare she was giving him. Marcus pursed his lips and scratched his beard.

“No, no. In order for the transfer to be a success, I’ve partnered you with a seasoned officer. She does good work and you both should be able to work at the same pace” Marcus replied and sat back into his chair. Clarke sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose and sat back in her seat as well.

“When are we getting these guys?” Clarke asked. Marcus seemed to smile nervously and scratch his beard again. Clarke’s eyes narrowed.

“Tomorrow, actually. We’ll be expecting quite a few. Let’s see...” Marcus paused to look at his computer. “Roan McGowan, Ontari Nightblood, John Murphy, Emori Frikdreina, Indra Porter, Anya Lachman, and last but not least, your partner, Lexa Woods” he listed. Clarke shifted in her seat as she counted seven names.

“Why do we need seven more people?” She questioned, and Marcus gave her a dark look. He sat up from his seat and leaned over his desk in an ominous manner.

“As I’ve said, there’s been a spike of crime lately. It’s not just your average spike” he said darkly. He turned his screen and clicked on to a different tab showing a line chart. Clarke’s eyebrows shot up as her eyes settled on a long, sharp spike at the end of the chart.

“Something’s happening around here, Clarke. Something big. And we really need these reinforcements, so please do me a favor and help them feel at home” Marcus commanded, and Clarke nodded. She tore her gaze from the chart stood up from her chair.

“Yes sir” Clarke finally said, and Marcus dismissed her. She left the office and closed the door securely behind her. Raven looked up from her computer and noticed how tense Clarke was.

“Everything okay?” She asked curiously, but Clarke ignored her. Instead she walked past Raven’s desk and headed straight for the break room. She was in desperate need for an Irish coffee, but since she didn’t have any Irish, she had to settle for just coffee.

As the coffee pot began to fill, Clarke had a seat at one of the tables. She rested her head on her arms as she listened to the coffee maker choke and sputter. Her mind drifted back to the conversation she had with Kane. Questions began racing through her mind, but one seemed to stand out the most. Who was her partner, exactly? All she knew was that her name was Lexa Woods, and that Kane said she could keep up with Clarke. She couldn’t help but wonder what she looked like. Was she tall? Was she short? Was she all curves or straight as a stick?

A orange light signaling that the coffee was finished brewing sucked Clarke out of her overwhelming thoughts. She stood up and opened the cupboard containing everyone’s personal coffee mugs. She felt her stomach drop when she saw her dad’s coffee mug with the handle shaped like a gun. Since her father’s death, Clarke would take it out every once in a while and use it. People would give her sympathetic looks whenever they saw her holding it and knowing that Clarke was having a bad day and needed a piece of her father. She decided that today was one of those days.

Clarke walked back to her desk with her dad’s coffee cup and straight up black coffee. She set the cup on her desk and sighed when she noticed her screen was still frozen. Instead of doing anything about it, she sat in her chair and sipped her coffee. Her mind wandered to minuscule things that didn’t matter, but she felt content. After Marcus’ bomb drop, she needed a moment to think about things that weren’t work related. It was hard, considering her life for the past 3 years surrounded work and her father, but she found peace with her memories of friends and all the stupid things they used to do.

By the time Clarke finished her coffee, she glanced at her watch and saw that her shift was over. With a sigh, she placed the cup on her desk and turned to Raven.

“Can you call Monty for me and have him look at my computer? I need to get going” Clarke asked, and Raven nodded in response.

Clarke left without another word and went home to her small, one bedroom apartment. She took a shower and sat on the couch, putting on Netflix. Being of age seven months ago, many beer cans and an empty bottle of whisky cluttered around her feet by the time she fell asleep. Her efforts to drown her sorrows at the bottom of a can were met with a five minute cry while watching a documentary about plants. When she woke up, a huge headache followed and she ended up knocking over a can that was half full. She cursed many times and cleaned up the mess left from last night.

When Clarke looked in the mirror, she was a mess. It was a look she had seen many times before. For the past month, she woke up looking like this. Sad, depressed, and missing something. She didn’t just miss her father. Her mother had been absent, but not just physically. She was missing mentally. The love she needed from her mother wasn’t there, so the only love Clarke could lean on was the warmth her father’s favorite whiskey that she would sneak back in high school.

Falling into her daily routine, Clarke took a shower to wash the sad alcoholic off of her and took some ibuprofen for the hangover. She made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and ended up only eating half of it. Her stomach felt weak so she made coffee and drank that instead. The devil sitting on her shoulder whispered that she should pour a little whiskey into it before she left for work, but the angel reminded her that she was a cop and she should at least show enough respect to Kane, the man who had replaced Jake after his death.

And so, with her coffee, her police jacket, and keys, she left her apartment and got into the car her father bought he when she turned 18. It wasn’t a new car, but when she first sat in it, it still had that new car smell. Now it smelled black ice and whisky. The night she got back from the hospital, she bought her father’s favorite whisky, when home, and didn’t even bother leaving her car. She drank half of the whisky bottle and fell asleep with it open. When she woke up it had spilled all over her and soaked into her seat.

When Clarke arrived at the police station, she got out and noticed there were cars she’d never seen before. She could only assume that they belonged to the transfers. Not sure what to expect, Clarke made her way to the entrance and walked in acting like it was any other day. She stopped in the break room to clock in and walked over to her desk. Her father’s mug had been sitting right where she left it. She hadn’t seen any of the new transfers yet and when she glanced at Raven’s desk, she realized her friend wouldn’t be in for another three hours.

“I heard you’re going back to the field today” Clarke recognized the voice. She turned to see Octavia smiling at her.

“Uh yeah, I guess I am” Clarke replied, smiling back. Octavia seemed to notice the mug sitting on her desk and let out a strained sigh, but thankfully she didn’t say anything.

“Your partner must be one of the transfers then?” She asked, and Clarke grimaced.

“Yes. Her name’s Lexa Woods, I believe” Clarke replied, not appreciating the interrogation. Perhaps it was because her black coffee wasn’t strong enough, but she felt rather irritable today. It also might have to do with the fact she has to get in a car and trust her life to a complete stranger.

“Oh yeah, I know her. Sort of. I bumped into her when I came in today. She’s um... interesting” Octavia said, doing her best not to annoy Clarke too much. At least she knew when she was annoying someone, unlike her brother Bellamy.

“Uh, Thanks” Clarke replied and noticed how uncomfortable Octavia was. “I’m sorry if I’m being kind of bitchy. I’m just nervous to... you know... go back out there” apologized Clarke. She watched Octavia relax a little. A small twinge of guilt unsettled her stomach for having made Octavia uncomfortable like so, but it was something Clarke found herself apologizing for a lot the past month.

“No no, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. It must feel like being a rookie again” observed Octavia, and she wasn’t exactly wrong. Clarke had felt this anxiety before, but she wasn’t worried about riding with a stranger then. She had ridden with her father on her first day. Memories of them getting ice cream that day made her shoulder throb.

By instinct, Clarke reached into her shirt. Her fingertips brushed the hard scab above her collarbone and traced the outline of a bullet wound. She felt a sharp pain and bit her bottom lip. Whenever she was experiencing stress, it would always make itself known. It constantly reminded her that she had been shot.

“Are you okay?” Octavia asked. Clarke had forgotten she was still standing there. Worry clouded her friend’s eyes, but she just smiled faintly.

“I’m fine,” Clarke replied. “Where are the transfers?” She asked, changing the subject. The worry in Octavia’s eyes didn’t leave, but she looked up towards the conference room.

“They’re in there. Chief Kane is giving them a little orientation. For the first day or two, he’s gonna have them ride along with our people so we can show them how things run around here” Octavia explained, and as if to summon them, the door to the conference room swung open. Many unfamiliar faces appeared to pour out of the room until she saw Kane finally exit with a woman behind him.

As the woman stepped more into view, Clarke noticed her light green eyes and long eyelashes. The dark circles perched underneath them weren’t necessarily from lack of sleep, but Clarke could tell she used to wear glasses. Her warm brown hair had been pulled back into intricate braids and exposed her neck a little. Clarke usually wasn’t swayed by how people looked in their uniform, but the way her button up hugged her curves perfectly made butterflies flutter in her stomach. The way she rocked her black combat boots make Clarke’s toes curl.

“Clarke,” Kane said, approaching her. “This is Officer Lexa Woods” He continued, gesturing the woman she had just finished sizing up.

“Uhuh” was all Clarke muttered. Silence ensued for couple of seconds between the three before she caught her self staring into Lexa’s eyes.

“Uh sorry,” she recovered. “Officer Clarke Griffin” she said and held out her hand for Lexa to shake. Thankfully she took it. Her grip was strong and Clarke swore she felt her hand crack.

“Griffin, why don’t you show Woods around the west side since you’ll be spending a lot of time over there” Kane said and pulled out a pair of keys from his pocket. Clarke’s brow furrowed and pursed her lips angrily.

“The west side?” She asked, almost offended. “You want me to show her white privilege and domestic disputes about who blew who’s leaves on to their yard?” Clarke seethed. Kane sighed and rubbed his beard.

“Look Clarke, what am I supposed to do? The last time you were on south side you got shot and I know you’re not done healing” Kane argued, but Clarke wouldn’t have it. Her blood boiled thinking about it.

“And the last time I was on the west side I had to convince Mrs. Murray that her neighbor Claus was a holocaust victim and not a nazi who was stealing her cats. Send me to the north side for God sake. At least I can do my job and arrest someone for publicly urinating by Pub Polis” hissed Clarke, but she could tell Kane wasn’t going to let up. She opened her mouth to say more but she was interrupted.

“You’ve arrested someone for public urination?” Lexa asked. She sounded a little bewildered by it, but Clarke didn’t really see the shock on her face.

“Yeah, his name’s Lenny Charles. We catch him once or twice a month” Clarke explained. Something about Lexa she didn’t quite understand. She didn’t seem effected at all by the argument. She didn’t seem to care.

“Just do it Clarke. Somebody has to keep Mrs. Murray from going crazy” Said Kane and left the car keys on Clarke’s desk before walking away. She scoffed when he left. Kane really knew how to rub her the wrong way. Stealing her father’s job and making her work the west side were only two of the things Kane has done to piss her of. She finds his leadership insufficient compared to her father’s work.

“The west side isn’t that bad, is it?” Lexa asked, suddenly capturing Clarke’s attention. Not wanting to yell at her new partner, she inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. It seemed to have calmed her down enough.

“I had to go to their general store where a drunk woman was throwing frozen pizzas like frisbees and she would throw them at anyone who came near. When I tried to arrest her, she dialed 911 saying that she was being harassed” Clarke blatantly explained. Lexa opened her mouth to respond, but she didn’t say anything. Clarke couldn’t blame her, nobody ever knows what to say about a woman calling the police on police.

“I gotta say...” Lexa began. “I kinda want to see how weird these people are” she admitted, making Clarke actually smile. She didn’t expect Lexa to be so relaxed with everything. She didn’t even see a flicker of discomfort in her eyes. It made Clarke begin to feel a little more safe trusting her life with a stranger.


	2. Officer Lexa Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,845
> 
> Rating: pg-13 for suggestions of alcohol abuse. It’s a pretty tame chapter.

The sun burned the black leather through the windshield as Lexa watched the west side fly by. Clarke had blasted the air conditioning, but it didn’t seem to be doing much to help the smell. A mixture of hot leather and coffee polluted the air, and Lexa didn’t take kindly to it. They had spent an hour and a half running minuscule errands, but it felt more like it had taken up the whole day. Back when Lexa was in Tondc, she was usually the one driving, but in Arcadia, Clarke was perched happily in the driver’s seat with one hand on the 12 o’clock and the other holding a large coffee.

Silence ensued between them for the entire trip aside from Clarke saying something about needing coffee and having to stop for gas. Every attempt to speak was instantly denied by herself. Not wanting to start conflict was Lexa’s major concern, considering Clarke and Kane’s disagreement earlier. She figured Clarke was having a bad enough day. She couldn’t blame her. Kane had informed her prior to their meeting about how Clarke suffered from the loss of her last partner and her father. She could tell by how tense Clarke was that she was nervous about having a new partner.

“Somethin catch your eye?” Asked Clarke suddenly. Lexa blinked in surprise when she realized her gaze had shifted towards Clarke and stared for a while. She felt her cheeks turn pink and looked a way.

“Well, you know, the view from this seat is amazing. You should try it some time” Lexa said with a small smirk pulling on the corner of her mouth. She glanced at Clarke who’s eyebrows raised. They weren’t an angry raise. In fact, the expression on her face was more playful.

“Is that your way of saying you want to drive?” She asked Lexa but responded with a shrug and began staring out the window again.

Silence ensued once more. The silence must have been too loud for Clarke because she eventually turned on the radio. Lexa wrinkled her nose from distaste as horrid rap music began rattling her eardrums. She turned to Clarke who began humming along with a smirk. Narrowing her eyes from distaste, Lexa leaned over and tuned the radio backwards to a talk show.

Not sure what happened to her rap, Clarke turned to Lexa with her eyes narrowed. She tuned the radio back to rap and returned her eyes to the road. Lexa wanted to plug her ears so she didn’t have to hear lil whatever-his-name-is whine about his hoes not being loyal. She was baffled Clarke found this music at all interesting. Then again, Clarke was something to behold.

Lexa dared to glance at Clarke who focused on the road in front of her. When she wasn’t paying attention, Lexa leaned over and managed to tune the radio to an awful Christian channel. Clarke snapped her gaze over to the guilty Lexa. She smiled awkwardly and tuned it to something else so that they didn’t have to hear how Jesus was a savior.

“I don’t know how you guys roll in Tondc,” Clarke began. “But it’s customary that the driver picks the radio station” she continued while tuning her radio back yet again. Lexa didn’t reply, but she smiled instead. She found it comical, messing with Clarke like that. Her reactions were adorable.

As what felt like a million years passed, Clarke finally pulled up to a small deli and cut off the engine. Curious, Lexa turned to her questioningly, but she was already out of the car. Lexa fumbled with her seat belt and crawled out into the heat and humidity. The sun blinded her until Clarke’s shadow casted over her. The way her golden hair illuminated from the sunlight made her appear goddess-like.

Lexa was never the type of person to lie to herself. There was no denying the slight attraction she felt towards Clarke. Her long golden hair seemed to flow as she walked with the most cliché officer walk. She appeared to be the same height as Lexa, but her combat boots gave her the one inch she needed to reach Clarke’s height. When she walked up to the deli’s front door, she noticed that Clarke’s pants were perfect around her thighs but too tight around her ass. Lexa couldn’t help but feel the blush creep up from her neck and to her cheeks.

“Are you coming?” Clarke asked, staring at Lexa with a questioning look. Snapping out of her thoughts, she nodded and began walking towards the blonde.

“What exactly are we doing here?” Lexa asked curiously as Clarke got in line for the register.

“Eating lunch, it’s 1:30. I figured you were hungry too” Clarke replied before beginning her order. Lexa watched as Clarke ordered the second largest sandwich on the menu.

After Lexa ordered a normal ham sandwich, and she walked over to where Clarke was sitting. When she sat in the seat across from Clarke, Lexa realized that she really didn’t know that much about Clarke. Sure she knew that Clarke had been shot, preferred to be the one driving, liked rap, and enjoyed a sandwich that looked like every topping oozed from the sides, but aside from all of that, Lexa knew nothing. It didn’t help that this was their first day together. It also didn’t help that neither of them put effort into a proper conversation.

“So,” Clarke began with a mouth full of sandwich. “I’ve never been to Tondc, what’s it like?” She asked, gulping down her food. Lexa seemed surprised that Clarke was making an effort. She expected lunch to be as quiet as the car ride.

“Um, Well” Lexa put her sandwich down and paused to think. “We’ve had to deal with a lot of drug trafficking the past few years, but lately it’s been dimming down. Your chief seems to think that they moved here” Lexa explained, but Clarke didn’t seem satisfied with her answer.

“That’s not what I mean. I meant, what do you do there for fun?” Clarke asked, a frown tugging at her lips. For fun? Lexa frowned as well. She didn’t actually go out often.

Lexa wasn’t the type to go out and do things with friends. While her best friend Anya dragged her places occasionally, she usually spent her time home with a book. The extent of her social life included the police department in Tondc, and nowhere else. She proved to be the most introverted cop at the station. Of course, nobody bothered to ridicule her. She was good at her job, and nobody could say otherwise.

“Nothing, really” Lexa admitted. Clarke gave her a sideways look as if she were more curious than shocked. Lexa figured that perhaps Clarke thought she was a tad boring. She wasn’t wrong, Lexa thought herself to be a bore as well.

“Nobody ever does nothing” Clarke declared before taking another bite of her sandwich. “Everybody does something, even if they sit and stare off in to space. That’s doing something” she continued in between chews. She had a point. Of course, Lexa didn’t want to bore her with all the books she’s read and how occasionally she’ll have a glass of wine after a rough day at work.

“Alright then, what do you do for fun?” Lexa asked, turning to conversation around on Clarke. She noticed Clarke tense up as her gaze grew dark. Talking to Clarke felt like playing around on a mine field. One moment it’s fun and games until someone rolls over on a mine. Although, it seems, Clarke’s explosions remained internal.

“I don’t have fun” Clarke spoke coldly. Lexa opened her mouth to apologize but she paused when Clarke shoved the rest of her sandwich into her mouth. It was amazing, really, how fast she had devoured her sandwich. Lexa had only eaten half of hers.

All of a sudden, Clarke’s phone rang. Lexa thought that it was a happy coincidence that Clarke had finished eating just in time to leave the room and answer it.

Lexa found herself alone now with a third of her sandwich left. She thought about how weird it was to be able to judge someone accurately on how they ate their food. Many factors went into how people ate their food. Stress and hunger levels were a large factor. She figured that Clarke must have been stressed and hungry, because she never saw someone order such a large sandwich and eat it in half the time she could.

By the time Clarke came back, Lexa had finished eating and thrown away their garbage. Judging by the scary look on Clarke’s face, the conversation she had did not go over so well. Neither of them said a word as they walked back to the car together.

“We have to go deal with a disturbance at the liquor store” Clarke finally said as they pulled out of the parking lot. Lexa wanted to ask why they had gotten a phone call and not a radio, but staying silent was what she thought best.

They pulled up to the store front of Westside Liquor and stepped out of the car in unison. The door chimed as they walked in and Lexa saw a big burly man sitting behind the counter with a bag of frozen peas over his eye. Sitting on the floor with her hands zip tied together was a woman in her 40s, her cheeks blazing red, and blue eyes resembling...

“Clarke,” The woman called, sounding happy to see her. Clarke didn’t appear to reciprocate. “Can you clip these stupid zip ties off of me? I have a big surgery tomorrow” Clarke roller her eyes.

“Get up, Abby” Clarke commanded. The woman looked at her crossed, like she had no clue what Clarke just said. Lexa shifted uncomfortably where she stood and walked over towards the man behind the counter.

“Clarke, I’m your mother, not a stranger” Abby said as she struggled to get to her feet. Just as Lexa figured. The woman standing before them was Clarke’s mother. The resemblance was uncanny.

“No, my mother doesn’t get drunk 2 in the afternoon and drive inebriated to the liquor store and punch the nice man behind the counter for trying to help you stand up, Abby” Clarke seethed. It was hard for Lexa to turn away.

Lexa managed to ask the man behind the counter if he was okay and he nodded, telling them what happened. Abby came into the store stumbling and when she grabbed a large bottle of Jack Daniels she tripped on her own feet and fell, shattering the bottle and drenching the floor with alcohol. When he went to help her up, she thought he was going to assault her and punched him in the face. He put her in a zip tie and called the police.

“I didn’t want her to run off and drive” he said and Abby scoffed. Clarke gave her a dirty look.

“Did she pay for the damages?” Clarke asked the man, and he nodded. All Lexa felt like she could do at this point was sit and watch how Clarke handled things. She seemed to control her temper enough to deal with things accordingly.

“Look, I’m not gonna press charges or anything. But if this happens again, I’m afraid I can’t let her come back into my shop” the man explained and Clarke nodded. Luckily, Abby seemed smart enough not to say anything. Perhaps having a husband and a daughter in the police force was helpful, or maybe she had done something like this before and was smart enough to know what not to say.

Clarke asked Lexa to take down the man’s information so that a report could be filed accordingly. She watched Clarke leave with the store with her mother still in zip ties. Lexa took a pad and pen out and wrote down all of the man’s information and copied down the time. When she was finished, she asked the man if he needed any help cleaning up the mess, but he told her not to bother and that he had already cleaned it up.

Lexa bid the man farewell and left the store to see Abby in the back seat and Clarke in the driver’s. They appeared not to be talking. Lexa had never experienced silence louder than this. It felt unbearable when she sat in the car. There were words that clearly needed to be exchanged but both Clarke and Abby remained stubbornly silent. Lexa had been third wheeled many times, but this was the worst yet.

When they arrived at Abby’s house, Clarke took her mother’s keys and unlocked the front door for her. Instead of giving them back, Lexa watched Clarke pocketed the keys. She also observed that Clarke neglected to cut off the zip tie binding her mother’s wrist. She figured Clarke was being to crass with her mother, but Lexa knew it wasn’t her place to judge. She’s had her fair share of mother troubles.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked sympathetically when Clarke got back into the car. She didn’t respond. Instead she leaned back in her seat and covered her face, exhaling a hefty sigh.

“Do you want me to drive?” Lexa asked. This time, Clarke peeked through her fingers towards Lexa. She was silent as if she were pondering. She sat up and took the car keys out of her pocket.

“Alright, but we need to get back to the station. You remember how to get there?” Clarke questioned and Lexa nodded. She gave Lexa a warm, appreciative smile. Their hands brushed when Clarke placed the keys in Lexa’s hand and they got out of the car to switch sides.

When Lexa sat in the driver’s seat, the familiar feeling of control washed over her. An idea seemed to pop in her head like someone had flipped a light switch. Clarke had been cranky all day, and Lexa couldn’t understand why. Maybe she hadn’t gotten enough coffee, aside from the large mocha she got at the beginning of her shift, or she was stressed out about returning to the field with an unfamiliar partner. But with their shift ending soon, Lexa preferred not to end on a sour note.

After about ten minutes of driving, Lexa pulled up to an ice cream parlor she had seen while they were patrolling earlier. She got out of the car and turned to Clarke with a coy smile.

“Are you coming?” Lexa asked as she watched Clarke exit the car. Confusion was written all over her face. Lexa’s cheeks turned warm pink when she saw her face. The way Clarke was looking at her was precious.

“What are we doing here, exactly” Clarke asked. The sudden feeling of déjà vu rose in the back of Lexa’s mind. They had been in this position before when Clarke surprised Lexa with a lunch break.

“Well, it appears that I’m buying you ice cream” Lexa replied as she walked towards Clarke. The look in her deep blue eyes seemed to soften as her cheeks flushed with a faded pink. It was subtle, but Lexa could see the growing blush.

“Your really don’t have to” Clarke said, looking at her feet as if she were bashful. Lexa felt her heart jump at the sight. The sudden realization that who she was looking at now wasn’t the same person she had been looking at from a distance. With how close Lexa had stepped towards Clarke, something was different. Instead of seeing Officer Griffin, she started to see Clarke, the woman behind the uniform.

“No it’s fine. You haven’t had the best day, I can tell. I just thought that a little ice cream would add some sweet to your day” Lexa explained. When Clarke looked up, their eyes locked. Her warm blue eyes were enticing. Lexa could feel a weak pull towards Clarke, but she tore her gaze away gulped down the lump growing in the back of her throat.

“You know, I promise I’m not always like this” Clarke said as if she felt the need to explain her fluctuating emotions. The pair began to walk towards the parlor side by side. Lexa almost couldn’t tear her eyes off of Clarke in time to open the door without running into it.

Lexa could feel the intense blush growing on her cheeks as she watched Clarke scan the many flavors of ice cream. Something about Clarke make Lexa curious. Something about Clarke was mysterious.

The best way Lexa could understand her feelings was comparing Clarke to a book with a lock on it. Perhaps it appeared more like a journal, but Clarke was more than just a person’s boring thoughts. She was a story yearning to be read, but nobody could read her. Nobody had the key. Nobody could find it. If she played her cards wisely, Lexa knew that she could find that key. She knew she could uncover the masterpiece that was Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t read this for errors. I feel like if I read it I’ll get restless and unhappy with what I’ve written. Sooo you’ll just have to live with all my errors. I’m writing to have fun, not be perfect. I’ll burn out if otherwise. Thank you for understanding. I have no clue how the next chapter is going to go, but it’s gonna be intense. Stay tuned, my dudes.


	3. Tequila and Schnapps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,598
> 
> Rating: R for alcohol usage and sexual references not suitable for younger children

“Is Clarke coming?” Clarke heard as she began to open the door. It was Lexa’s voice. 

“Clarke? Doing something other than brooding? Nah impossible” the annoying sound of Bellamy Blake’s voice rang annoyingly in Clarke’s ears. Color began to flush her cheeks as anger boiled under her skin. She pushed the door open more and the bell rang, signaling that someone had entered.

“Maybe it’s because every time I go out, I see a child that looks suspiciously like you, Blake” Clarke hissed and heads turned to her with surprise. He entire transfer group from Tondc was intermingled with Arcadia’s day shift crew.

Before Clarke and Lexa had clocked out for the day, Raven caught them on their way to the break room. She explained that the transfers from Tondc were going to take the Arcadia crew out for a drink to get to know them better. Of course, compared to Clarke’s and Lexa’s experience for the day at the west side, the transfers struggled to keep up with the arrests riddling the south side. In the past month, crime has been circling around in south side and has most recently started trickling to the east side. 

“Clarke, I’m surprised” Bellamy began, but Clarke gave him a cold look. His face seemed to grow pale, but it didn’t waver his bastardly smirk. 

“No, Blake, what’s surprising is that your ex girlfriend called me last Tuesday saying she has the clap. You might want to get tested” Clarke continued, her feet carrying her towards the group. Everyone seemed to snicker at Clarke’s remark, but others were unenthused, like Lexa. Clarke ignored the pull for validation from her partner.

“I get tested every other month, Clarke. A man playing the field like so makes me a gentleman” he retorted, but Clarke ignored him. Instead, he noticed that she wasn’t even paying attention to him anymore. She was discreetly inching towards Lexa’s presence. Little did he know, Clarke had begun to feel something odd in the pit of her stomach whenever she was closer than the space between center council of a cop car to Lexa. 

“I’m glad you came” Raven caught Clarke’s attention. In her hand she had a drink. It was dark and fizzy. 

She remembered back in high school pouring a few shots of vodka in her pop bottle in the school’s parking lot before class with both Raven and Bellamy. This was, of course, before any of them had figured out that being a police officer was their future. Remembering the past seemed to lighten Clarke’s mood as memories of meeting them behind a staircase with no cameras to talk about how hard it was to focus in class, and how Bellamy couldn’t get up the stairs without tripping at least once. 

“Yeah, no, I just figured it was time to get my shit together” Clarke replied to Raven with a more hushed tone. Thankfully the attention was no longer on her, and the conversations prior to her arrival had resumed.

“I know it’s hard for you, Clarke” Raven stated. Clarke had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. She wasn’t in the mood for a pity party.

“Alright!” A voice called to attention. “I say that we have a little race. Everyone should get their partner and five shots. Whoever finishes first is victor” a man named John Murphy purposed. There had been many excited noises of agreement, but Clarke didn’t falter. Instead she was caught up trying to remember the last time she had participated in a drinking game.

Although Clarke had shown no excitement, there were a few who didn’t seem as excited as well. Indra Porter, an older black woman who held herself with much pride, didn’t stir. Lexa, sitting next to Indra, sported a smile, but the look in her eyes said she wanted no part in the foolish game. Clarke couldn’t help but let her gaze linger until her eyes met with Lexa’s.

“I think Clarke should go first” Clarke scowled at the sound of Bellamy’s voice. Many hoots of agreement followed. She didn’t really want a part in the game. Her plan was not to get plastered in front of the transfers. Bellamy and John Murphy appear to be out to foil her plan.

“My money’s on Griffin. Woods doesn’t know how to hold her liquor well” A woman named Anya Lachman chimed. Clarke had seen her and Lexa stop to have a chat in the break room when they had gotten back to the station.

“I don’t know...” Clarke trailed. She glanced at Lexa who was still looking at her. Clarke couldn’t figure out what Lexa was thinking. Her green eyes were bright and clouded with something mysterious. A little voice in the back of her mind told her that Lexa was curious.

“Your games are foolish, Murphy” Lexa began. “But I guess I’m not opposed” her words were clear. Clarke felt a tinge if astonishment. She had never thought Lexa would be a drinker. Perhaps she wasn’t, but nonetheless, Clarke was still surprised.

“You know what? Alright. I wanna see what you’ve got, Woods” Clarke declared with a sudden boost of confidence. She wondered what Lexa was like after a few drinks. Surely, these shots will get the party started.

Both Clarke and Lexa sat at a table across for each other and traded smirks. Octavia was next to Clarke, rambling on about a pep talk, and that she bet five dollars on Clarke’s victory. Of course it was Bellamy betting against her.

Clarke’s focus was more on Lexa than Octavia’s chatter. She felt an uneasy feeling crawl up her spine as she watched Bellamy lean over Lexa and give her words of encouragement. Clarke could tell he was trying to flirt with her. The way his hand gripped the table and leaned over to meet her eye level. They way he smiled at her, and the way he looked at her make Clarke increasingly tense.

Murphy placed ten shots on the table. Five in front of Clarke and five in front of Lexa. He instructed them to place their hands under the table so that no one could cheat. Adrenaline started to pump through her veins as Clarke felt the excitement around her increase. Everyone seemed to be crowding around them, eager to watch.

“Ready” Murphy declared, and the gaze shared between Clarke and Lexa became intense. “Set, Go!” He exclaimed and their hands shot up from under the table.

Clarke didn’t even bother swallowing the first shot. The tase was foul, but she managed to gulp the liquid down after her second shot. She didn’t even bother glancing at Lexa. Her determination to win made her focus slowly on the shots, and nothing else. The encouragements Octavia had been rifling off were blocked off until Clarke put down the last shot glass. 

“Clarke won” Octavia stated, but the look on Bellamy’s face twisted into disagreement.

“No, Lexa won. You’d know that if you had a pair of eyes” Bellamy countered. A sudden argument between the siblings ensued on whether it was Clarke who put the glass down first, or if it was Lexa.

Clarke didn’t bother inserting herself into the heated debate. Instead, she glanced at Lexa. Judging by the disgusted look lingering on her face, Clarke deduced that Lexa wasn’t actually well versed in alcohol after all. She was just fast at drinking shots.

“Alright, alright, calm your shit, Blakes” Murphy shouted, grabbing everyone’s attention. “It was a tie” he declared. The siblings gave each other a challenging glare before putting the argument to rest.

“Make them do it again” Ontari Nightblood, one of the transfers, purposed. Right after she spoke, Clarke and Lexa exchanged the same look of displeasure. Neither of them wanted more shots.

“I’m fine with it being a tie” Clarke said, inserting her two-sense. It wasn’t that she couldn’t handle it. She’d been binge drinking over the past month, so tolerance was not a problem. The concern was more for Lexa who didn’t seem like a seasoned drinker.

“Me too” Lexa suddenly spoke. As if her word was law, the Tondc transfers obeyed Lexa’s wishes. Clarke thought it was odd, but she chose not to care much about it.

And with that, Clarke and Lexa had removed themselves from the table. The seats quickly became occupied by Raven and her partner, Finn Collins. Murphy, like he had done before, brought shots to the table and initiated the race.

Clarke had wandered over to the bar and sat on one of the stools. The bartender asked her if she’d like a drink, and she ordered whisky on rocks. She watched the race off from afar, but her mind was somewhere else. When the bartender came back, she was brought back to reality. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Lexa and Bellamy conversing.

Clarke watched carefully as Bellamy invaded Lexa’s space. She didn’t appear uncomfortable. Instead, Lexa looked like she wasn’t all too interested in his advances. Perhaps it wasn’t disinterest, but cluelessness. The look written on Lexa’s face could be considered either.

Taking a sip of her whisky, Clarke turned so that she could no longer see Bellamy and Lexa speaking. She started to wonder if it was a mistake coming. Thoughts of not being ready clouded her mind. The idea of just going home and resuming her nightly ritual of getting drunk in front of the tv seemed more comfortable than being around people. Of course, Clarke knew this way of thinking was unhealthy. She knew that every night killed her a little more inside, but it was the only thing that kept her from going insane.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Octavia asked from behind. Clarke turned to her and strained a smile.

“Make it a hundred dollars, and my mind’s all yours” Clarke jokingly said, but Octavia just smiled and sat on the empty stool next to Clarke.

“It’s been a while, Clarke. Since you’ve done anything with us” Octavia said. Clarke shifted in her seat and took another drink of her whisky.

“It has” Clarke replied, but she didn’t care to add more. She wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything.

“We miss you. We really do” admitted Octavia. Clarke didn’t bother to look at Octavia.

“And?” Clarke asked, taking another sip.

“And we’re your best friends. You won’t tell us anything, you barely make an effort to speak to us about anything outside of work, and we pretend not to see how hungover you are all the time” Octavia hissed, catching Clarke off guard. She wasn’t expecting Octavia to suddenly blow up like that.

“I don’t know what to say” Clarke began, but Octavia shook her head.

“Don’t say anything. Get off your ass, get to know everyone from Tondc, and tell Bellamy to stop flirting with your partner. Be a fucking friend again, Clarke. Because we’ve sure as hell been doing our best to be your friend. Accept our love for you, for crying out loud” argued Octavia. Clarke stood completely dumbfounded. 

Whether it was from embarrassment or the alcohol, Clarke’s face began to glow red. She had never taken a moment to consider how she was effecting her friends, or that they had even noticed how sad she looked. A part of her whispered that they didn’t notice, or that they cared about what she felt like had to be done in order to cope. She had ended up denying herself of the love she didn’t know she needed from her friends.

“Octavia...” Clarke began, her grip tightening around the glass of whisky. “I think you need to take it easy on the gin” she said jokingly and grabbed Octavia’s drink. She quickly finished her whisky and ran off with Octavia’s gin despite her protesting stutters.

Clarke approached Bellamy and Lexa. Their conversation stopped when they noticed Clarke standing there. They watched her down half a glass of gin and turn to Octavia who had followed to attempt to retrieve her drink. She gave Clarke a disgruntled look when she received an empty glass.

“Well, Clarke. We were just talking about you” Bellamy said as he shot Lexa a smirk. Clarke’s eyes narrowed while watching. Lexa didn’t seem to reciprocate anything.

“We were talking about how you actually have fun, unlike what you said earlier” Lexa elaborated. Although her words seemed sassy, her voice was warm and smooth. For some reason, Lexa could make Clarke feel like she wasn’t being judged, that Lexa understood things that others probably couldn’t.

“Were you now?” Clarke asked, shooting Bellamy a glare. Feeling like it was her que to leave without being dragged into something dramatic, Octavia bee-lined to the bar. Clarke wished she had stayed so that she could help fend her brother off of Lexa.

“Yeah, I was telling her about how you got so drunk off of tequila after graduation, you sent me a video of you singing Apple Bottom Jeans with French fries sticking out of your nose” Bellamy explained, struggling not to laugh. Clarke felt her face flush bright red, and she turned to Lexa who was smiling awkwardly and avoiding her gaze.

“He didn’t show you, did he?” Clarke quickly asked, but the guilty look on Lexa’s face gave it away. Clarke smacked Bellamy’s arm roughly.

“If it’s any consolation, you were adorable” Lexa said. Clarke’s heart began to beat relentlessly in her chest, not only from embarrassment, but from a sudden heat she could feel running down her body and made her toes curl. She couldn’t help but gulp down the lump growing in the back of her throat.

Clarke opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted. Octavia had returned, and her hands were full. She had four drinks. Drinks that looked suspiciously like...

“Tequila!” Octavia exclaimed and placed a glass in their hands. Bellamy got excited, and Lexa and Clarke shared a look. It wasn’t exactly an uneasy look, but it was a look that said “if you start now, there’s no going back.” A look Clarke had been familiar with on her grad party. It felt like deja vu.

And the look they shared had been correct. Clarke didn’t let up.

_**About 2 hours later...** _

“Octavia!” Clarke called. “Oc-Octaviaaa” She stammered loudly. Clarke’s vision had doubled and there were too many Bellamys. She wanted to tell Octavia that one of the Bellamy’s should leave because the world couldn’t handle another Bellamy.

But Clarke never found Octavia. While scanning the group for her friend, her shaky vision landed on a familiar pair of green eyes. Of course she saw two sets of eyes, but Clarke didn’t mind losing herself in all four of them. Having forgotten boundaries were a thing, Clarke managed to place her hand on Lexa’s cheek after struggling to determine which double of her was real.

“You have really pretty eyes” Clarke managed to slur. Lexa laughed a little and pulled Clarke’s hand from her cheek, but didn’t let go of Clarke’s wrist.

“I think you’ve had too much tequila” Lexa replied. Clarke let out a giggle and took a step closer, continuing to forget boundaries were still a thing.

“I think you haven’t had enough tequila” Clarke struggled to say, slurring every word. Lexa gave Clarke a stern look.

“How about we go find Raven or Octavia” Replied Lexa and grabbed Clarke’s hand. She began to pull her out of the loud crowded area.

“Woah there, Griffin and Woods” Murphy exclaimed when he stepped into their path. Lexa stiffened and Clarke covered her mouth to keep herself from giggling.

“Get out of the way, Murphy” Lexa rasped coldly. Clarke bit her lip as she watched Lexa’s face grow dark. Something about Lexa’s angry look made Clarke feel hot and bothered.

“You know, Griffin” Murphy began, glancing down at Lexa gripping on to Clarke. “Better be careful or she’ll make you her next pair of earmuffs” He said with a laugh.

Lexa glanced at Clarke nervously. Her shoulders tensed up, and she began to let go of Clarke. She wasn’t prepared for when Clarke grabbed her hand once more, but this time, their fingers intertwined. Even though Clarke wasn’t in a clear state of mind, Lexa realized that she was aware enough to know that Murphy was introducing discomfort.

“Then I’d make a pretty good pair of earmuffs” Clarke retorted sassily, trying her best to speak clearly. Murphy raised his eyebrows, taken aback by her words. Even Lexa hadn’t thought that Clarke would say something like that.

Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke and resumed pulling her out of the crowd and away from Murphy. Clarke had to pause to try not to throw up. The original plan to find Octavia or Raven had been discarded, and the pair stumbled over to the bathroom. Lexa pulled back Clarke’s hair as she wretched into the toilet. The sounds weren’t pretty, and the smell was the opposite of flowery, but Lexa stayed by her side. 

“You know, you take partner to a whole other level” Clarke admitted. “You’re gonna make me look like a bad one” she said jokingly, but Lexa didn’t seem to laugh. The look on Lexa’s face seemed stern and lifeless. It was almost scary how much she looked like she didn’t care.

Lexa didn’t give Clarke a response. Instead, she reached over to grab a wad of toilet paper and began to wipe away the leftovers remaining on Clarke’s chin. She didn’t mind Lexa touching her. It was probably the tequila and schnapps talking, but her mind entertained the thought of Lexa continuing to touch. The idea of getting on her knees and undoing Lexa’s pants button with her teeth flashed in her mind. If her cheeks weren’t already bright from the alcohol, her sudden arousal would have been noticeable.

“Feel better?” Lexa finally asked. Clarke closed her eyes and leaned against the stall.

“Not really” she replied quietly. “I kinda just wanna go home” Lexa frowned and pulled out her phone to check the time. 12:47 am.

“I should probably get going as well. I can bring you home?” Lexa said as Clarke’s eyes fluttered open.

“Are you sure you can drive?” Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded.

Very slowly, the pair made there way out of the bathroom and out of the bar. Neither of them had said a word to the Tondc or Arcadia crew. The idea of going home and getting to bed seemed to enticing for the both of them. Before they left, Clarke gave Lexa her keys and address. 

Their car ride was quiet. The only sound was Lexa’s car engine humming softly. Clarke watched as the street lamps flew by before having to turn away to avoid motion sickness. And so, instead of looking out the window, she watched Lexa drive. Considering the low lighting, Clare could hardly see her face, but the way the soft light of the street lamps outlined her face made a certain reoccurring feeling stir in her chest.

All of a sudden, a question popped into Clarke’s mind. One that she hadn’t thought of to ask herself. Why did she find Lexa so attractive? Was it her long hair tied up into loose braids? Was it the look in her green eyes? Perhaps, even, it was the way she carried herself.

It wasn’t that Clarke had never been attracted to a girl before. There were many times she appreciated the appearance of another woman, but some how Lexa was more than one of those girls. Clarke had always pictured her future with a man even though she had a slight attraction to women, but for the first time, Clarke could see herself waking up next to Lexa in the morning. The thought of it felt scary considering she met Lexa this morning. She barely knew this woman. Clarke couldn’t help but feel like a horny teenage boy.

“You live here?” Lexa suddenly asked, snapping Clarke out of her thoughts. She took a moment to register her surroundings.

“Yeah, why?” Clarke asked, curious as to why it mattered.

“Well, my apartment is just a block away from here” Lexa admitted as she pulled into a parking spot. She cut off the engine and climbed out of the car. Taking Clarke into consideration, she walked over to the passenger side and helped Clarke crawl out of the vehicle as well.

“Look, you don’t have to bring me all the way to my apartment. I can make it from here” Clarke said as she tried to stand on her own, but stumbled. Luckily, Lexa’s reflexes kicked in and caught her before she fell.

“No, I insist. You’ll hurt yourself and I’ll be out of a partner” Lexa replied. Clarke continued to decline, but when she realized that Lexa wasn’t going to leave, she stopped talking.

When they reached Clarke’s apartment, they stumbled inside and Lexa lead Clarke straight to her bed. Clarke, not really in the mood for modesty, stripped down to her underwear and crawled under the blankets. Warmth and comfort enveloped her. Once her eyes were closed, consciousness slipped away.

The last thing she could remember was Lexa placing a glass of water on her night stand with a few pills of ibuprofen. She moved the hair from Clarke’s face and whispered goodnight to her. Clarke didn’t want her to leave, but since she had partially drifted away, she couldn’t grab Lexa’s wrist to keep her from leaving. More than anything, she longed for Lexa’s presence under the blankets next to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I’m so swamped with work and getting my shit together that it took longer to produce this than I thought. Hope you enjoyed. Sorry for any errors. Stay tuned for the next chapter, my dudes.


	4. Blue Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,589
> 
> Chapter Rating: honestly? pg-13 for sexual interactions and profanity (I think?)

A bead of sweat traveled down her back as the heat between them were unbearable. Their eyes shared the same burning passion and desire for more. The way their lips mashed together was desperate and the pace yearned to never let up. It felt so good, and it felt so right. Being in each others arms felt like puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. 

Their hips grind against one another, and the friction increased the arousal shared between them. They pawed and tugged desperately at each other’s clothes, hoping that they would just disappear. The feeling of restriction vanished as their shirts went flying and their pants were kicked to the side.

Lexa felt her back hit the wall and tangled her fingers in the long golden locks of her lover. Defiantly, she grabbed Lexa’s hands and pinned them above her head. Their aggressive make out session paused as their eyes met once more. Something was missing from the blue eyes she was loosing herself in. Something important. 

Behind the burning passion of those blue eyes, there was an emptiness. An emptiness she had seen before. It was so familiar, it was scary. She had seen it so many times in the eyes of victims, how could she not have seen it until now?

A sudden blaring noise woke Lexa with a start. The room was dark, and the only light was from the moon pooling in from the shades, and her phone glowing with caller ID. Disoriented from the dream, Lexa rubbed her eyes and grabbed her phone. The time read 3:52 am, and the caller ID read Clarke. Confused, she sat up and answered the phone.

“Clarke?” She asked. The other side of the phone was almost silent until she heard a sniffle.

“Lexa” Clarke eventually choked out. Lexa could hear her struggle to breathe.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked, her voice rasping as she spoke. Clarke didn’t respond. Instead, she heard shuffling from the other side of the line. The silence began to feel unbearable. The need to hear Clarke’s voice built inside her.

“Do you want me to come over?” Lexa asked. Again, it was silent. She wasn’t even sure if Clarke was still there until she heard yet another sniffle.

“Please?” Clarke finally spoke, her voice cracking. Lexa could hear the pain in her voice. She could tell how hard Clarke was struggling with words, and it wasn’t just because she was upset. Lexa could tell Clarke was also drunk.

Through out the past two weeks of them being partners, Lexa found out a lot about Clarke. It wasn’t because she told her anything, but from observation. With Clarke, actions spoke louder than words. Whenever there was a loud noise, Clarke would tense up and appear aggravated. Whenever they arrested someone, Clarke would get angry. At one point, Lexa had to pull her aside and talk with her until she calmed down.

Lexa was now on her feet, struggling to pull on a pair of pants and a shirt. She was worried enough not to care whether she had shoes on or not. After all, Clarke’s apartment was close. While she jogged quickly down the road, she held her phone up to her ear. She refused to hang up. She figured if she could keep Clarke on the phone, she wouldn’t go off somewhere and do something stupid. Of course, Lexa didn’t really believe that Clarke would just go do something. She just didn’t want to admit to herself that she kept the call going because of Clarke’s presence. As odd as it felt, the idea of Clarke being on the other side of the phone was more comforting than her not being there.

When Lexa finished climbing up the stairs to Clarke’s apartment, she knocked and said into the phone “I’m here.” There was shuffling behind the door, and the knob jiggled a little before twisting completely. The door opened slowly, revealing Clarke.

The blonde was a complete mess. Her cheeks had been tear stained, and her face was red from the alcohol. The most alarming thing about Clarke was that there was blood dappling her stomach, her hands, and her shoulder. Lexa was left absolutely speechless by the sight. She tried to speak, but all the words she wanted to say caught in her throat.

Clarke neglected to say anything, and she reached over and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. She could feel Clarke’s chest rising and falling at an abnormal pace. Lexa didn’t want to let go, but she needed to see where this blood was coming from.

Lexa pushes Clarke off of her, turned to securely close the door behind her, and pulled Clarke towards the kitchen sink. A shard of glass poked her foot, and she looked down. There had been glass shattered everywhere. Some shards even had blood on them.

“Clarke, you need to tell me what happened here” Lexa said. She couldn’t bare to look at Clarke. Instead, she rifled through the kitchen drawers for washcloths. When she found them, she had to pause. Her heart was throbbing with adrenaline and panic. Sure, she had seen many people covered in blood like this in Tondc, but she had never seen someone she actually cared about in this state.

“I, um...” Clarke stammered. “Well, I came into the kitchen for another drink, and on my way back to the couch, I stumbled a little” Clarke continued. Lexa finally looked at her with a frown. She wet in the sink, and began to wipe away the blood from Clarke.

“A little?” Lexa asked, not looking up. As the blood slowly disappeared, a few scratches uncovered. They weren’t deep, but Lexa concluded that there were enough to cause most of the mess that was Clarke.

“At first, I knocked down a bottle behind me. It scared me and I accidentally threw my bottle” Clarke elaborated further. Lexa squeezed the cloth into the sink and applied pressure to the cluster of wounds on Clarke’s abdomen. A part of her wished she could have seen Clarke shirtless on better terms, but that kind of thinking was inappropriate for the situation.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re bleeding” Lexa deadpanned. She looked up from her work, and for the first time since she walked through the door, their eyes met. It was the same look she saw in her dream. The look of emptiness, only this time, there was nothing hiding it.

“I started having a panic attack and I slipped” Clarke answered, but her tone sounded ashamed. Lexa furrowed her brow out of frustration. Clarke was reluctant to tell the whole story. While Lexa felt she deserved an explanation considering she had been woken up from a very good dream and ran to the apartment at almost 4 in the morning, but her better judgment told her now was not the time.

“You’re safe now” Lexa reassured, but Clarke shook her head.

“No, I’m not. I’m never safe, Lexa. I haven’t felt safe in a long time” Clarke said, her voice wavering as she held back tears. “I can’t sleep unless a knife is under my pillow. Every time the neighbors bump the wall, it scares me. And every time I leave my fucking apartment, if feels like some random person is going to take out a gun and shoot at me.

“I pretend to be okay every day. For the past month, I’ve brushed off the jumps I get whenever Raven smacks that damn computer. The day Kane told me I had to go back out into the field, I came home and drank enough to forget, just for a while, that I had to start holding my gun again” slowly, as she went on, her voice got louder and angrier. She had ended up backing Lexa up against one of the kitchen counters.

Of course, Lexa was left completely speechless. This was the most Clarke has probably spoken to her. It was also probably the most honest Clarke’s been with someone for a while. Lexa wasn’t in the position to say anything. No matter what she said, how was it going to help Clarke? She felt shoved into a corner.

“But,” Clarke began. “But then you came along” she stumbled. Her tension seemed to slowly relax.

“What?” Was all Lexa could choke out. It wasn’t like she couldn’t handle people venting their problems to her. In fact, Anya vented often, but Lexa had never been apart of the topic before. Now she was, and she didn’t know how to react.

“When you took me to get ice cream on the day we met, it reminded me of my first day on the field with my father. It made me realize that I want to start living again” Clarke explained. Again, Lexa couldn’t say anything. She had no advice for this. It was ironic because, back in Tondc, she would easily be able to de-escalate the situation, but now her mind was blank.

“Clarke,” Lexa finally managed to say. “Thank you for being honest” something in Clarke’s eyes flickered as Lexa continued. Her blue eyes were no longer vacant. It was a look Lexa was rather unfamiliar with, but not completely foreign.

And then it happened. Before any other word could be shared between them, the space that had been separating them disappeared. Clarke’s fingertips brushed Lexa’s wrist before pulling her close. The smell of alcohol and blood was strong, but it didn’t bother either of them. Clarke began to lean in, and their lips brushed lightly before they overlapped with Lexa’s.

The kiss was long and slow. Inhibitions slipped away as Lexa reached up to tangle her fingers in Clarke’s golden mane. Time felt like it paused just for them, just for this moment. But of course, like all good things, it came to an end, and when it did, the air between them became suffocating.

“So...” Lexa began before remember there was still blood all on Clarke, and open wounds that should get treated. “Let’s finish getting you cleaned up, and I’ll sweep your floor or something” she pulled away from Clarke and grabbed the rag that was soaked in blood. 

When Lexa turned back to Clarke, her blue eyes were watching her longingly. Lexa struggled the hide the smile growing on her lips. It was strange, really. Seeing Clarke like this was new. She usually had a stoic look with the occasional smile. No matter what look Clarke had, Lexa always thought she was beautiful.

“You have hydrogen peroxide, right?” Lexa asked, and Clarke nodded. She reached out to grab the blonde’s wrist, and carefully pulled her towards the bathroom. Of course, with the glass shattered everywhere, it was almost impossible to not step on a shard or two, but they didn’t hurt more than stepping on a lego.

Lexa sat Clarke on the toilet seat and began to rummage through the medicine cabinet. She pulled out gauze squares, hydrogen peroxide, and tape. Getting to her knees, she examined Clarke’s cuts and frowned when tiny beads of blood still appeared. When something shiny caught her eye, a frown occupied her lips.

“Hold still” she told Clarke. There was still a shard stuck in her skin. Lexa grabbed the part sticking out before pulling it quickly. She heard a loud grunt from Clarke, and applied pressure to the new wound.

“Lexa,” Clarke began, gaining the brunette’s attention. “I’m sorry” she continued. Lexa gave her a confused look. Why was Clarke apologizing?

“What for?” She asked, and Clarke gave her a stern look.

“All of this. Calling you, making you come here and take care of the mess I am” Clarke confessed, looking away from Lexa. Oh how she wished Clarke would stop avoiding her gaze. She longed to meet those blue eyes again.

“No, Clarke” Lexa began. “I’m sorry” she said. She grabbed the gauze and wet it with hydrogen peroxide. She daubed the wet cotton on the several wounds decorating Clarke’s abdomen and watched as they began to fizz.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for” Clarke stated. Lexa gave her a look of disbelief.

“No, there is. I should have seen how much you were hurting, I’m your partner” Lexa replied, wiping the fizz away from the wounds. She placed a fresh square of gauze over the cluster of wounds, and grabbed the tape.

“It’s not your fault, really. I should have been more okay” Clarke murmured as she watched Lexa tape the gauze to her abdomen. Lexa couldn’t see, but the way Clarke was looking down at her showed more than just appreciation.

When Lexa turned back up to Clarke, something above Clarke’s collarbone caught her attention. She frowned when she realized it was Clarke’s bullet wound. When Clarke realized she was staring, she covered her old wound. Lexa wasn’t sure if Clarke was either embarrassed or ashamed of it.

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Lexa began, standing up. “You’ve been through a lot, Clarke. But if you want to be okay again, you need to want it” She continued as she grabbed Clarke’s hands in hers. After giving Clarke’s hands a comforting squeeze, she pulled the blonde on to her feet.

“It’s so hard, Lexa. It’s been so long since I’ve felt okay. It feels like I forgot what it’s like” Clarke replied, gripping Lexa’s hands firmly. Lexa tilted her head and struggle to put on a comforting smile. She knew how Clarke was feeling. The idea of being okay is a hard standard to become, especially if it feels like the world is out to ruin everything.

“How about, for now, we get you a shirt, I’ll clean up the floor, and you can go to bed” Lexa wagered, but fear suddenly enveloped the blue eyes staring at her. Confused, Lexa began to open her mouth, but Clarke cut her off.

“I don’t want to sleep, at least not in my bed. I... I don’t feel comfortable” Clarke admitted, and Lexa gave her a weak half smile. She nodded and began to pull Clarke out of the bathroom. She guided them towards the couch and sat the blonde down.

When Lexa let go of Clarke’s hands to clean up the glass, the look on the blonde’s face was sad. She looked as if she were a child who got their lollipop stolen. Lexa ignored the look and tried not to feel the attachment Clarke was growing. She was more worried about Clarke growing attached that she didn’t realize her own attachment beginning to fester.

The rest of the night was almost silent. Lexa had cleaned up the glass, and when she was done, she joined Clarke on the couch. She had been watching a documentary about old art being discovered and restored. Lexa didn’t feel all to interested in the movie, but every time she looked at Clarke, her blue eyes focused hard. Whenever the documentary revealed something shocking, Clarke’s eyebrows would shoot up.

It was weird seeing Clarke like this, there was no denying it, but it was the good kind of weird. Perhaps if Lexa wasn’t so self aware of things, she wouldn’t notice how it was only awkward if she thought about the situation too hard. So instead of thinking, she let herself relax into Clarke’s couch and drift to sleep. The sound of an English man was the last thing she heard until she woke up with a start and noticed the sun pooled in through Clarke’s shades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is about a thousand words less, but this chapter is just to set up for the next one. It’ll be gooooood.  
> Stay tuned for the next chapter, my dudes.


	5. Distrust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4,057
> 
> Rating: pg-13 for foul language

Clarke took her time walking into the police station. Her head, was of course, throbbing like hell. The sunglasses weren’t helping as much as she thought they would. It felt like the whole world’s brightness went up 30%. 

All she could really think about while walking inside was that she was gonna see Lexa again. She hadn’t seen Lexa since she came to her apartment the night before last night. The feeling in her stomach was either nervousness or the half of egg sandwich she had for breakfast threatening to resurface. Either way, Clarke was unsettled, and it was hard to bare.

“Hey Griffin!” She heard Bellamy shout from across the station. Clarke winced and struggled to smile. He was so loud.

“What’s up, Blake?” Clarke asked as she entered the break room to clock in. When she turned around, Bellamy was leaning against the doorway.

“You know, your partner, Woods, is really hot” Bellamy began. Clarke scowled, realizing where this conversation was going.

“Look, Bel, it’s not gonna happen between you two. And I would appreciate it if you would stop flirting with my partner” Clarke replied before turning away. A small smirk pulled on the corner of her lips as the memory of kissing Lexa flashed her mind. She opened the cupboard containing mugs and pulled out her father’s.

“You know, if you keep wearing those sunglasses, everyone’s gonna know you’re hungover as hell, Griffin” Bellamy stated, but Clarke rolled her eyes. She didn’t care. As long as she could see without her head feeling like it was splitting open, she couldn’t care less if people thought she was hungover, which she was.

“Is that all you want from me, Bel, or do you want anything else?” Clarke deadpanned. She turned to the coffee maker and poured some of the dark liquid into her cup. This time, she didn’t bother putting any sugar or cream in it. Straight up black coffees were preferred when she was nursing away a bad hangover.

“Well, I guess not. But Woods came in an hour early. She went into Kane’s office. You know anything about that? It seems kinda strange, if you ask me” Bellamy replied, his tone no longer playful like it had been. Clarke’s brow furrowed behind her sunglasses as she took a sip of her coffee.

“It’s probably nothing, maybe something about the transfer. Woods is an overachiever” Clarke stated as her thoughts ran though scenarios. Bellamy pursed his lips in thought before stepping out of the doorway with his hands on his hips.

“Maybe it’s about transferring prisoners? I heard a rumor that we’re running out of space” Bellamy suggested, but Clarke wasn’t so sure that was it. How did that have anything to do with Lexa?

Clarke stepped past Bellamy and walked towards her desk. He followed her like a lost puppy. When she sat down, she let out a strained sigh before pulling her sunglasses down to get a clear look at Bellamy.

“Again, I think it’s nothing. Maybe she’s giving Kane her report on the Tondc transfers. She told me that since he didn’t know the transfers very well, he made her basically in charge of them because they trusted her more” Clarke explained as she booted up her computer. She was starting to get annoyed with Bellamy hovering over her shoulder. As much as she loved her dear friend, he was getting on her nerves. She didn’t need to be grilled like this the moment she walked through the front door.

“I suppose you could be right, but I can’t help but feel like that’s not the case. Could it be about you?” Bellamy suddenly asked. Clarke felt herself freeze while in the middle of typing her password. She turned to Bellamy, and opened her mouth to speak, but she was interrupted by the sound of Kane’s door opening.

“Griffin,” Kane loudly called, capturing both Clarke’s and Bellamy’s attention. “Come to my office, please” he said, sounding frustrated.

Clarke blinked confused and pulled off her sunglasses. She turned to Bellamy with a slightly panicked look, and he gave her a look that resembled pity. What could this be about? Was something wrong with one of her reports? Did it have to do with her performance? Clarke’s anxiety started rifling off different scenarios as she stood to her feet.

Clarke began walking towards Kane’s office, and the feeling in her stomach resurfaced. The feeling like she was about to loose that egg sandwich. When she walked past Kane, she noticed Lexa sitting in one of the two seats in front of Kane’s desk. She didn’t even look at Clarke when she entered. Why wasn’t Lexa looking at her? Clarke’s anxiety continued to question every possible scenario.

“Have a seat, Clarke” Kane said almost demanding. The use of her first name meant something bad was going to happen. Clarke didn’t want to sit. She knew that if she sat down, she wouldn’t be able to run away. She wouldn’t be able to escape the conflict that began rising and suffocating the air.

“What’s this about, Marcus” Clarke asked, deciding that she could use his first name as well. If she was going to be interrogated, she might as well do her best to hide her weakness.

“Clarke,” he began, but paused. “I um... I need to suspend you, Clarke” he struggled to say.

The world seemed to stop around her. Whatever color that had been in her cheeks were now gone. When she turned to Lexa, the brunette wouldn’t even glance in her direction. The expressionless look on Lexa’s face told Clarke exactly what was going on.

“You,” Clarke began, her words catching in her throat. “You told him, didn’t you?” She asked. Her voice wavered as she struggled to keep her composure. She saw Lexa falter, trying not to let Clarke’s broken tone impact her.

“Clarke,” Kane said, trying to get her attention. “Officer Woods did the right thing” he continued, but Clarke wouldn’t have it. Feelings of betrayal began to boil under her skin.

“Why? I trusted you” spoke Clarke, her words foul like venom. It was then that Lexa finally looked at Clarke. The stoic facade she had built washed away when she saw the tears threatening to drift down Clarke’s cheeks. She looked like she wanted to say something, but Clarke knew she wouldn’t say anything. It was painful to meet Lexa’s eyes. The one person she’s grown to trust managed to obliterate it quicker than a nuclear bomb smacking the earth.

“I want you to see a therapist, Clarke. You should have told me what was going on” Kane said. The word therapist caught Clarke’s attention. She could help but let out a hysterical laugh at the thought.

“A therapist? I don’t need a fucking therapist, Marcus” Clarke seethed. She didn’t even care when Lexa stiffened. Why should she care about the person who practically back stabbed her? She determined that Lexa was no longer someone she would care about.

“Well, you need a therapist’s recommendation to come back to work. And you need to go to A.A” Marcus replied. Clarke felt her jaw drop. AA? The last thing she needed was to sit in a crowd of sad adults and listening to someone who drove drunk and hit a deer and how that moment changed their life. She didn’t need to hear other people’s problems, she had enough. But not enough to need a therapist.

“Absolutely not!” Clarke shouted, and Kane remained unwavering. His look was icy.

“Then I guess you won’t be returning to work. Please turn in your badge, Clarke” Marcus stated coldly. Clarke’s eyes widened as the first tear crawled down her cheek slowly. She couldn’t believe what was happening. She wanted everything to just be a bad dream, but no matter how hard she wished to wake up, it was no use. This was the real world, and it felt so unforgiving.

Was this what she gets for doing her job? A month ago, she saved many lives, but at the expense of loosing two of the most important ones in her life. She took a bullet for the sake of Arcadia, and they simply repay her by giving her an ultimatum because she’s suddenly “troubled.” It felt so unfair, so uncalled for. She was doing her job, she was doing it right, what more could they want? Lollipops for the arrested?

“You want my badge, huh?” Clarke asked. Her face went blank. It felt as if she rounded up all her emotions and shoved them in a box with a ironclad lock. Everything slipped away except consciousness.

“No, I don’t want your badge. I want you to do the therapy, get some help. You’re not okay. You’re a danger to yourself” Kane elaborated, but his words went through one ear and out the other.

Clarke turned to Lexa who was watching carefully. Their eyes locked as Clarke’s fingers gripped the top button of her police uniform, and she began to undo each button slowly. Lexa stood up and grabbed Clarke’s wrist to keep her from undoing the last button. Clarke felt her jaw clench and tore her hand out of Lexa’s grasp.

“Clarke,” Lexa gasped, sounding almost desperate. Clarke unbuttoned the last one and pulled off the shirt, revealing the plane black tee underneath. She threw it in to Kane’s desk along with her gun, belt, and walkie-talkie.

“You don’t have to do this” Kane said, but she had enough of Kane’s voice. She had enough of him in general. How he looked, all hoity-toity, behind her father’s old desk just pissed her off even more.

“I lost my father, Kane, your best friend. And my partner. I got myself shot just so that a boy and his mother could escape the building. You can’t demand me to do shit while you sit in my father’s old chair, twiddling your thumbs” Clarke spat. She ignored Lexa and opened the door of her father’s old office. She left quickly, the door hanging wide open.

Clarke felt everyone’s eyes on her. She knew they heard the shouting. She didn’t care anymore. She felt so numb from the adrenaline pumping vigorously through her veins. Her focus was solely on exciting the station that she didn’t hear the foot steps racing to catch up to her. A hand grabbed her arm, and she turned to see Lexa.

“Don’t fucking touch me” Clarke lowly rasped, sensible enough not to call more attention. Yet again, she tore her arm from Lexa’s grasp and ignored the desperate look on her face. Clarke continued to walk down the station, not even stopping to grab things off of her desk. Her car keys were in her pocket, so she wasn’t worried about getting home.

When she got outside, the sun practically blinded her and she remembered that she was still pretty hungover. The door opened behind her and, of course, there was Lexa. This game of cat and mouse was really getting on Clarke’s nerves.

“Can you please just fucking listen to me, Clarke” Lexa shouted, actually taking Clarke off guard. She had never heard Lexa shout like that, or even swear. But why did she care, again?

“Why should I?” Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes. Lexa’s gaze fell to the ground as if the answers were written on the black pavement.

“I want to know what it’s like being around you when you’re happy” Lexa finally said. It felt like Lexa had tried to take a pair of bolt cutters to the lock on the box with Clarke’s emotions, but it didn’t seem to work.

“People grieve in different ways, Lexa. I haven’t finished yet. You didn’t let me” Clarke replied, her voice was harsh. She didn’t care enough to notice Lexa flinch.

“What you’re feeling, that’s not just grief. You probably have PTSD” explained Lexa as she took a step closer to Clarke. The blonde couldn’t hold back a scoff.

“Don’t act like you know me. We’ve only been partners for two weeks. The only mistake I’ve made was trusting you” Clarke spat and turned around to leave. She began walking towards her car. This time, Lexa didn’t follow.

The moment Clarke stepped through her apartment door, she felt her breakfast begin to rise. She raced to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet. She coughed, gasped, and wretched until there was nothing left to relieve her stomach of. When she finished, she sank to the floor and laid on the cold tile.

Clarke laid there for what felt like hours. Her mind felt completely absent as she stared at the ceiling. Her mind didn’t even register when her phone buzzed. The feeling of dissociation held her captive from sunrise to when it reached the highest point in the sky. When she finally sat up and looked at her phone, she had four missed calls and 12 unread messages. She didn’t want to read any of them or call anyone. She just wanted to keep being absent.

Clarke stood up from the floor and walked slowly to the kitchen. Her thoughts still vacant as her body fell into her nightly routine a few hours early. The fridge opened, and her hands gripped a cold bottle. The cap twisted and made a popping sound. She put the bottle to her lips and took a few large gulps. The taste was bitter, as always, but it felt oddly comforting.

Clark officially didn’t know what she was doing anymore. She thought she knew what she was doing, but the one thing that had been keeping her sane was gone now. The one thing that kept her from completely spiraling out of control, she let go of. For the first time in hours, she started to feel something. Regret. It came so quickly, if felt as though a train hit her.

Clarke pulled out her phone and opened her messages. They were mostly from Raven, Octavia, and Bellamy. Their messages were similar, asking what was going on, why she left her badge. But there was one message she wished wasn’t there. It was from Lexa. She felt like a coward, not reading the message. She didn’t want to know what Lexa had to say.

Opening the recent call list, there was one missed call from her mother, two from Octavia, and one from Raven. Unconsciously, she pressed Octavia’s number, and the phone began to ring. Time felt slow as her phone rang four times until she heard a hello.

“Octavia?” Clarke felt herself say. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, why she had called Octavia, but it felt like something she needed to do.

“Clarke? Are you okay? Why did you quit?” Octavia asked from the other side of the call. Clarke’s jaw clenched and gulped back a lump growing in her throat.

“I... I’m not so sure. Do you... do you think you can come over?” Clarke struggled to say. Her words felt like they were suffocating her. Why was it so hard to speak?

“I can’t right now, but I get off in an hour” Octavia replied, and Clarke felt her heart drop. What was she expecting from this, exactly? Was it comfort?

“Do you remember what you said to me at the bar two weeks ago?” Clarke asked, and Octavia was silent for a second. She figured the brunette was thinking.

“Yeah, about the effort to be our friend again?” Octavia asked. Clarke could remember how the brunette’s words had caught her off guard.

The more Clarke thought about Octavia’s speech, the more she realized that she couldn’t remember how to be a friend anymore. All the laughter they shared together seemed like ages ago. How could she push away the people who’ve stuck by her side for years? Through all the shit they’ve gone through together, how could Clarke let this happen? She yearned for things to be like they were over a month ago, but it almost seemed impossible to obtain again.

“I need help” Clarke finally said after a few seconds of silence. She could tell Octavia didn’t know how to respond. It seemed to be popular lately, her leaving people wordless. She was used to it.

“I’m on my way now” Octavia said. Clarke shifted in surprise. Had she not said a few seconds ago that her shift ended in an hour? Why would Octavia do that for her? Clarke felt like she was hardly worth that much of a fuss.

“No, O. I’m not that much of a fuss” Clarke counter quickly, but the sigh on the other side of the line sounded unenthused.

“Don’t worry about it, Clarke. It’s what friends do” said Octavia, and then she hung up before Clarke could say anything else. She was left dumbfounded.

Clarke walked over to the couch and sat down, thinking about what just happened. She called Octavia, and now she was on her way here. A part of her realized that she needed Octavia, her best friend. That was what friends did right? Need each other?

About ten minutes passed until a knock rapped on the front door. Clarke jumped a little, but she brushed it off and quickly walked towards the door. When she flung it open, there she was. Octavia, her friend. She couldn’t keep herself from throwing her arms around the brunette. Her blue eyes began to water, and tears threatened to stream down her face. For countless hours, minuets, and seconds, Clarke managed to keep her breakdown at bay, but now she couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“I’m so messed up, O. I made so many mistakes today” Clarke bellowed as Octavia wrapped her arms around Clarke as well.

“It’s okay, Clarke. Calm down. Why don’t you tell me everything, okay?” Octavia said calmly. When Clarke pulled away, she nodded. She wiped away her tears and struggled to regain her composure. 

And so she did. Clarke told her everything that happened. From when she called Lexa at 4 in the morning up to the point where she told Lexa off and left the police station. She even told her about when they kissed. There was no reason to hold back. She wouldn’t be a very good friend if she didn’t tell the truth, and the whole truth.

“So you and Lexa...” Octavia began, and Clarke gave her a sad look.

“I don’t even know. Things could have been handled better on both sides” Clare admitted as she covered her face with her hands. The way Lexa looked at her flashed behind Clarke’s eyelids. She looked panicked and desperate. Clarke couldn’t help but feel a twinge if guilt.

“Do you think you can salvage the relationship?” Octavia asked, pulling Clarke’s hands from her face.

“I was pretty mean” Said Clarke as she stood up from the couch and walked over to her window. She drew the shade up and across the parking lot was Lexa’s apartment.

“What was she like after I left?” Clarke suddenly asked as her eyes settled on Lexa’s apartment window. Back when Lexa took Clarke home from the bar, she told Clarke which window was hers just because she could.

“She looked very upset when she came back inside. When she sat at her desk, she looked so lost” Octavia replied. Clarke turned back around and walked back over to the couch. When she sat down, she laid her head on Octavia’s lap and sighed.

It felt like they were back in high school. Clarke would be talking about something dumb and Octavia would listen and offer her opinion. It was hard to believe how far they’ve come. They graduated together, went to the police academy together, and became officers in the same bureau at the same time together. Although, it wasn’t just Octavia who shared these experiences with the blonde. Bellamy and Raven had been around for just as long.

“Octavia,” Clarke began, capturing the brunette’s attention. “I think I need to get laid” Octavia struggled not to burst out laughing. She patted Clarke’s cheek a few times and shook her head.

“Maybe you shouldn’t say that with your head on my lap” Octavia replied with a wide smile. Clarke couldn’t help but smile as well. It felt so good to smile after such a horrible day.

Hours flew by as they hung out and did random things. Neither of them could shake the feeling that they were back to their high school selves. Clarke had put on a random documentary and pulled out a bag of marshmallows. When there was only one marshmallow left, there held a showdown. Clarke placed the bag in the middle of the room, and when Octavia counted to three, they raced to get the last mallow. Octavia, the better wrestler, won and did not shut up about her victory until Clarke grabbed her couch cushion and smacked the cocky brunette with it. As they laughed about the whole thing, Clarke felt a spark she hadn’t felt for a while. It was fun. She was having fun.

“I appreciate you, O” Clarke said as she let herself lay flat on the floor. Her adrenaline still throbbed in her veins after accepting defeat. Octavia, sitting up right with her legs crossed, smiled and let out a chuckle.

“I appreciate you too, Clarke” the brunette replied. Before the conversation carried anywhere else, Octavia’s phone began to ring. She gave Clarke an apologetic look and answered the phone.

Clarke could hear the distinct voice of Bellamy’s on the other line. He was probably wondering where she was, considering the siblings lived together. It was late, there was no denying it. All good things came to an end eventually. It was hard to accept, but Clarke did anyways. There was always tomorrow and every other day to hang out with Octavia again.

Of course, Clarke didn’t want to hang out with just Octavia. As of recent, she has been neglecting her friends. The realization of needing to spend one on one time with them struck Clarke like lightning. She didn’t feel like she deserve Octavia, Raven, or Bellamy just because she’s been so absent in their lives considering how close they used to be.

“I have to go” Octavia said, ending the call with her brother and bringing Clarke back from her thoughts. She gave the brunette a slight frown before standing up and holding out a hand to help Octavia up as well.

“Before you go, do you think things would be okay between me and Lexa if I did the things Kane told me to do and come back?” Clarke asked, searching for her friend’s opinion.

“Yes. I think she just cared too much about you” Octavia replied, and yet again, Clarke couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Lexa was just doing what she thought was right. Perhaps if the situation had been handled more delicately, Clarke would have agreed to the terms. Instead, Kane had given her what felt like a harsh ultimatum and backed her into a corner. If he truly knew what she was going through, he would have done his best customer service act and convince Clarke like a salesman would.

“If you want, I can talk to Kane tomorrow, tell him that you’re really considering it?” Asked Octavia, and Clarke gave her a weak smile.

“Please? I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him again. I feel like I would bite his head off” Clarke explained, and Octavia laughed. She patted Clarke’s shoulder before bringing her in for a hug.

“Goodbye Clarke” Octavia said. She left without another word, and Clarke was suddenly alone again.

She didn’t want to be alone. Being alone was suffocating. It was like being in a room crowded with invisible people, and the walls were slowly caving in. The room no longer felt as bright as it had been when they were laughing. The complete silence didn’t help either.

Tiredness began to tug at Clarke’s eyelids as her feet dragged her into the bedroom. She stripped down to her underwear and plopped into bed. When she pulled the blankets over her exposed body, the silence managed to lulled her to sleep. For the first time since she came home from the hospital a month ago, Clarke fell asleep to bed sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna say thank you to those who have stuck around so far. I’m not a professional, or a popular writer, but as long as someone is enjoying this fic, I’ll keep writing. Leaving comments give me determination to keep going, just an fyi ;)  
> See you again soon, my dudes!


	6. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 5,035
> 
> Chapter Rating: pg-13 for vulgar language and referenced sexual themes

“What a bitch!” Anya exclaimed as her feet began to wear a path from her incessant pacing.

“Anya” Lexa said, trying to gain the other brunette’s attention, but her attempt was fruitless.

“How can she just come in here, throw a fit one day, and just come back the next like it was nothing” Anya continued. She was clearly flustered, there was no denying it, but Lexa couldn’t help but feel that it was extra.

“Anya” Lexa said again. Once more, her attempt was futile.

“Lex, I don’t know if it’s just because she’s a blonde, but I see no other reason as to why you should like her” Anya’s words were officially starting to get on Lexa’s nerves. It was one thing, listening to all of Anya’s other complaints, but it was another when it involved someone she fancied. Every time Lexa liked someone, Anya would somehow put her down and make the other person seem like the devil disguised as an ordinary human being.

“Anya!” this time, Lexa shouted at her pacing friend. It seemed to do the trick. Her loud and irate tone made the other brunette stop in her tracks.

“Not everyone is perfect, Ahn! You need to stop having such high expectations for me. I could search the whole world to find your ideal girlfriend for me, and I would die before I find her because she doesn’t exist” Lexa snapped. Anya stood completely taken aback by the sudden bout of anger filtering out of her. She opened her mouth to say something, but Lexa’s cold stare made her consider her words carefully.

“I’m sorry Lexa, but is it so bad that I want you, my best friend, to be with someone who makes you their whole world?” Asked Anya as she put her hands on her hips. Lexa pursed her lips and furrowed her brow.

Four days had passed since Clarke was been suspended, five if including the 24 hours she quit. Lexa couldn’t help but feel horrible about how she was the cause of all the fuss. As if it were bad enough that some of the Arcadia officers were avoiding her, Anya’s daily speech just made her feel worse.

The door behind them opened, and Indra walked into the break room. Lexa gave Anya a look saying that the conversation was not over. She turned to Indra with a smile, and walked past her comrade and out the door.

“Woods,” a voice called and she turned to see Raven. “Ready to go?” Lexa nodded in response.

Since Clarke’s suspension, Lexa had no partner. Luckily, Finn, Raven’s actual partner, was currently on vacation. Lexa found his timing to be poor considering the predicament Arcadia was in, but Kane justified his case by saying he had scheduled his time off a few months before. But how could she complain? If she didn’t have Raven as a partner, she would have to take shifts with a different partner every day. She was grateful for the consistency.

The pair left the station and got into one of the many cop cars parked to the side. When they got inside, it was a little awkward. It seemed to be a popular theme as Raven’s partner. Perhaps it was because Raven didn’t trust her. It was apparent and not unexpected. After all, Lexa did basically turn in Clarke. She wouldn’t trust herself either if she were Raven.

“Where we headed today?” Lexa asked and Raven glanced at her with a fake smile.

“We’re going to south side” Raven replied and Lexa shifted uncomfortably. If she remembered correctly, the south side was where Clarke had gotten shot. She had yet to actually see the place, but judging by how many reports filtered in with arrests and citations, it wasn’t a place to enter with guards down.

“Can I ask you something?” Lexa asked. Raven glanced at her again with a quirked eyebrow and nodded.

“Go ahead” Raven said as her gaze turned back to the road.

“How’s Clarke?” She questioned, and she watched Raven stiffen in her seat. She could tell the brunette was uncomfortable.

“Why do you wanna know?” Raven’s tone was harsh. Lexa could feel the guilt begin festering inside her again. She couldn’t help but think that she brought this upon herself.

For the past few days, Lexa had felt incredibly guilty. She didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Perhaps she deserved it, but she wanted things to go back to normal. Maybe not completely normal. Clarke wasn’t happy. All she wanted was for Clarke to be okay. Instead, all Lexa managed to achieve was distrust from her coworkers.

“Because she’s my partner” Lexa stated with a serious tone. She needed to know if this was all for nothing. She needed to know if Clarke was getting better. If she wasn’t, then what was the whole point? She knew Kane was going to get Clarke some sort of help, but she didn’t know things would end up like this.

“Maybe you should ask her yourself, since you’re the one who determines if she’s okay or not” Raven replied, striking Lexa hard. The air in the car began to feel suffocating. She was getting so tired of the Arcadian officers treating her like she was one of the criminals. She didn’t deserve this, but she couldn’t help but feel like she probably did.

“You haven’t seen her, Reyes. She was struggling. You would have seen that if you paid attention” Lexa snapped. She instantly regretted her words when Raven slammed on the breaks in front of a stop sign. Lexa had to hold on to the dashboard to keep her head from banging into it.

“Do not tell me how to be Clarke’s friend. You haven’t seen her these past few days. She’s a mess because of you” Raven spat in response. Lexa dug her nails into the dashboard. She needed to calm down. Acting irrationally wasn’t something she usually did, but for some reason, whenever Clarke was involved, irrational things just happened.

The car ride became silent. Through the next few hours, they arrested two people and issued five citations. The only time Raven and Lexa spoke was when they needed to. Neither of them had anything to say to each other. Lexa didn’t feel like trying to justify what she did and Raven had no interest in hearing it. If she did, she would have said something to Lexa.

Suddenly, a buzz came from Lexa’s pocket, and she quickly fumbled to pull it out. She hoped that Clarke had finally read her message, but when she read the notifications, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed. It was just Anya. Lexa rolled her eyes and opened the message she had sent to Clarke five days ago, ignoring what Anya had to say.

“Clarke, I know I shouldn’t have done what I did without talking to you first, I guess I thought you would be too stubborn about it. I didn’t think Kane to put you in a position like that. I don’t want things to end like this” was what she read about ten times a day, hoping to see that the Delivered would change to a Read. She didn’t care if Clarke replied with bitter words or an okay. All Lexa wanted was for her to see it.

A part of her understood why Clarke wouldn’t read it. She had broken the trust between them. Why should Clarke listen to anything she had to say? Clarke owed nothing to her. It was just how things were. That was life in a nutshell, but it was hard to keep understanding it.

“Woods,” Raven said, sucking Lexa out of her thoughts. “Are you hungry?” She asked. Lexa didn’t feel really hungry, but some food might help her stop feeling so pitiful.

“Yeah” was all Lexa said. She didn’t feel the need to say anything more. The less they spoke, the more they avoided the topic of Clarke.

Raven pulled up beside a small gas station that doubled as a deli. Without any words, they excited the car and walked inside. It was nothing impressive, in fact, it was a lot more run down looking. There was a tall bald man working behind the cashier’s counter, and over by the deli was a woman with long dirty blonde hair tied up in a ponytail.

Raven went straight over to the deli and Lexa slowly followed, analyzing the store closely. They were in a bad neighborhood, it was at least good to know the layout of a store before settling down to eat. By the time Lexa was ready to order, Raven was already at a table and munching on a spicy looking flatbread sandwich.

Lexa ordered a simple ham and turkey sandwich without tomatoes. She noticed the name tag on the blonde spelled out “Niylah” and commented on how unique it was. As soon as she got her sandwich, Lexa sat across from Raven.

While Lexa are her sandwich, she hadn’t noticed the chime of the front door opening. She didn’t hear the foot steps slowly grow closer and closer to the deli’s opening. She didn’t see the flow of blonde hair and flash of blue eyes until she looked up from her sandwich. It was Clarke.

Lexa stopped chewing her sandwich as the blonde she fancied walked up to the counter. It was safe to say Clarke hadn’t noticed Lexa and Raven trying to enjoy their sandwiches. Instead, Clarke was more interested with the woman named Niylah. Lexa watched carefully how Clarke leaned over the counter and smiled at her.

Raven eventually noticed how Lexa stopped eating. She turned around to see Clarke by the counter and turn back as if she hadn’t even seen her friend. Instead, she had a smug look on her face. Confused, Lexa gave her a narrow look before shifting her gaze back to Clarke.

“Last night was fun” she heard Clarke say. Lexa felt her stomach drop. Her anxiety began to make assumptions as to what that meant.

“I’m free tonight, if that’s what you’re here for” Niylah replied. Lexa bit the inside of her lip. She turned her gaze back to Raven and gave her a cold stare. She knew Raven was listening as well considering the consumption of her sandwich had slowed.

“What time do you get off?” Clarke asked. Lexa felt officially uncomfortable. Had Raven done this on purpose? Clarke just happened to show up, on the south side of all places, at the same deli that her and Raven stopped at for lunch. Raven had to have known.

“After you do” Lexa could practically hear the wink in Niylah’s voice.

Lexa decided that she didn’t want to hear anymore. Instead of trying to ignore it, which she knew she wouldn’t be able to pull off, she stood up and began wrapping up the uneaten half of sandwich. Her combat boots clopped on the floor as she strode over to the garbage and tossed the sandwich away.

“Lexa?” She paused in her tracks when Clarke’s voice rang in her ears. The exit of the deli was so close that if she had just been a little quicker, she would have made it out the door without Clarke realizing who she was. Lexa didn’t want to turn around, but she forced herself to.

“Hey” was all Lexa could say. Their eyes met for the first time in five days. Clarke’s eyes were the same blue Lexa could remember. She couldn’t help but compare Clarke’s gaze with the open ocean.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke questioned. Lexa tore her gaze away and turned to Raven who sat watching them with a smile as she kept eating her sandwich. She must be living for this moment.

“I’m leaving, actually” Lexa stated roughly and turned around to walk out of the deli. Before she could get out of the gas station’s front door, she felt a hand grip her wrist.

“Hold on” Said Clarke, and Lexa turned to her. She wasn’t sure if she should expect Clarke to yell or not.

“Can we talk somewhere more private?” She asked, and Lexa nodded.

They both went outside and decided the best place to talk without any prying ears was the back seat of the cop car. Lexa was nervous, she had no clue what Clarke wanted to say. When they sat in the back seat, Lexa could feel her heart begin to pound from anxiety.

“What did you write in that text?” Clarke suddenly asked. Lexa furrowed her brow in confusion. Why didn’t Clarke just read the text? Out of all the things that her mind ran over, the last thing she expected was the mention of the text. Perhaps she just lost her phone.

“Why not just look at it?” Lexa asked and Clarke frowned. Was there something she wasn’t getting?

“Because I don’t want to read it. I want to hear it” Lexa could tell Clarke felt silly saying it. Embarrassment was written all over Clarke’s face.

“Well,” Lexa began, swallowing the lump growing in the back of her throat. “I shouldn’t have done what I did, Clarke. I should have talked to you first. I had no clue that Kane was going to do something so drastic” she decided not to say the last sentence of her text. She was oddly afraid to say it out loud. The last time she said anything along the line of what she was saying now was to Costia, and that hadn’t ended well at all.

Clarke was silent. She pressed her lips as if she were deep in thought. Lexa wanted to know what she was thinking about. Ever since she met the blonde, she wondered what was going on in her thoughts that made her look distracted half of the time.

“It’s okay” Clarke finally said. Lexa didn’t even realize how tense she was until her shoulders relaxed. This was Clarke forgiving her.

“I really like you” Lexa felt herself blurt out. She hadn’t realize she actually said it until Clarke gave her a weak smile. The look in her blue eyes appeared sad, and Lexa couldn’t help but feel guilty. Lexa didn’t want her to be sad. She just wanted Clarke to be happy, and for some reason, it was so hard. Why it was so difficult, that was one thing Lexa struggled to understand the most.

“I have something for you” said Clarke, changing the subject. Lexa couldn’t blame her. If she were in Clarke’s position, she’d change the subject as well.

“What kind of something?” Lexa asked and Clarke’s eyes lit up. Clearly this was something she was excited about.

“Well,” Clarke began and reached over to grab Lexa’s hand. “If you stop by after you get off work, maybe you’ll find out” Lexa raised her eyebrows at Clarke’s words. She wanted Lexa to come over.

“I thought you had plans with that one girl in there?” Lexa asked, suddenly remembering the conversation Clarke had with the girl named Niylah. She noticed Clarke’s shoulders grow stiff and smile uncomfortably.

“Um, well, no. I think I’d rather be home tonight” Clarke replied and Lexa gave her a puzzled look. The thought of Clarke spending time with her rather than the girl she was was hooking with took Lexa off guard. The thing Clarke had must be very important, otherwise why would she sacrifice sex?

“Alright then, I guess I’ll stop by” Said Lexa with an unsure tone.

Clarke said goodbye, mumbling something about Niylah and left Lexa in her daze of confusion. She took a moment to backtrack on their conversation to make sure it had actually happened. Her mind explored the possibilities as to what Clarke had in store for her, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Clarke’s invitation was a hoax. The blonde didn’t strike her as a vengeful person, and she told herself that Clarke wouldn’t do something like that, but the thoughts wouldn’t go away.

The sound of the driver side door sucked Lexa out of her thoughts. Raven sat down quietly for a moment before turning around to face Lexa. She had a serious look on her face with an eyebrow quirked.

“You’re welcome” was all she said before turning around and starting the car. Lexa fumbled out of the backseat and into the passenger side. She hardly got in to her seat before Raven pulled into traffic.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked. She officially never felt this confused in her life.

“Things are better between you now, right?” Asked Raven, her eyes not budging from the road. It was as Lexa had expected earlier, Raven planned this some how.

“Look, Clarke’s my best friend. I did this for her, not you. I don’t really like it, but she told me about your guy’s moment” Raven continued. Lexa swallowed the lump growing in the back of her throat. Clarke had told her friends about their kiss.

Lexa didn’t respond. She didn’t know how to. What was she supposed to say? Thank you? For taking Lexa to the place where Clarke went to ask out Niylah again? Perhaps Raven didn’t intend for it to seem that way, but it certainly felt it was.

Just like before, the car ride became silent, and they only spoke when they needed to. Lexa managed to put aside her thoughts and focus on work. It wasn’t easy, but they managed to arrest two more people. One who robbed a teenager’s back pack which lead to Lexa chasing after him and successfully tackling him, and another who was caught ciphering gas behind a trashy bar.

When they returned to the station to clock out, Lexa collapsed into her desk chair. The pads of her fingers dug into her temple as she attempted to massage away the stress that had been building up all day. It felt nice to be sitting in a comfortable chair with no constant vehicle hum. The day felt like the longest she’s had for a while. Judging by how much paperwork she had, it was going to get even longer.

Lexa glanced at her book sitting next to her keyboard and grimaced. She wanted to go home and read it, but she unfortunately wouldn’t be reading it any time soon. She still had to go see Clarke after work. It wasn’t like she dreaded seeing her again, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t nervous.

“I heard you had a long day” Lexa looked up to see Anya standing next to her desk with hands on her hips. Lexa couldn’t help but let out a strained laugh.

“Four arrests and five citations. I don’t think I’ve had to file this much paperwork since Tondc’s slow decline of crime” Lexa admitted. Anya gave her a weak smile of understanding. She knew exactly how Lexa felt. They had been partners back in Tondc, after all.

“Well I’ve finished all my paperwork for the day, wanna get some drinks after you finish?” Asked Anya and frowned when she saw Lexa falter. She already knew she was going to be rejected. Sometimes Lexa hated how much Anya could predict her.

“Actually I have plans” Lexa replied, receiving an annoyed look from Anya.

“Lex, a date with your book is hardly a plan” she said. “The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire; Volume 1 can’t possibly be more interesting than watching Blake and Murphy see who can out drink the other” Lexa ran her fingers through her hair and gave Anya a sour look. 

“I’m actually going to see Clarke” the look on Anya’s face shifted as Lexa spoke. She suddenly looked angry. Lexa didn’t expect anything else from her overprotective friend.

“Fine, waste your time with that ungrateful sod. I’ll be having actual fun. Whenever you’re done brooding over each other, I’ll be at the north side bar with our comrades” Anya hissed. She turned around on her heels and stormed off. Lexa couldn’t help but feel annoyed. She knew Anya had her best intentions in mind, but but she often neglected how Lexa felt.

With a sigh, Lexa started up her computer and logged into the database. She needed to get started on this paperwork or she wasn’t going anywhere tonight. The entire time she was filling out the formats, she couldn’t help but feel restless. She figured that if she had any superpower, it would be to snap her fingers and all the information she needed to input would be filled out and ready to send.

After about an hour and a half, everything was filled out. She sent them to the database and sat back in her chair, letting out a loud sigh. Her brain felt like it had just finished exercising. It was the kind of exhaustion she’d get after struggling to understand math she was unfamiliar with. Not that she ever really struggle with math. She took calculus, after all.

Lexa logged out of her computer, grabbed her book, and clocked out in the break room before leaving the station. She figured she should go home and change out of her uniform before seeing Clarke.

When Lexa got into her car and ignited the engine, NPR suddenly started playing through the speakers. NPR was Lexa’s guilty pleasure. She never told anyone about it, not even Anya. In fact, Anya made fun of NPR. If Lexa ever told her, she would never hear the end of it.

Lexa got home to her small one bedroom apartment and stripped quickly. She put her book on the counter and hung her jacket on the back of a kitchen chair. Her instinct lead her to her dresser and rummaged for clothes she considered normal. A white shirt, a soft red flannel button up, and a pair of ripped skinny jeans found their way to her grasp and she quickly pulled them on.

Anxious feelings began to surface as she made her way to the bathroom. It was noticeable that she wished to look presentable. Even if this whole meeting was a complete hoax, Lexa chose to trust Clarke’s word. Sure, the blonde had incentive to dupe Lexa for having shared information she deemed personal and unscrupulous to share, but Clarke didn’t appear to show vulgar intentions. Lexa had spent enough time around cons, thieves, and gamblers to know when someone was trying to trick her.

As she stared in the mirror, Lexa but her bottom lip and deciding that this was the best she could do for a casual meeting. Since she wasn’t one for having a giant collection of shoes, she settled for her work boots and left the apartment. 

On the way to Clarke’s apartment, Lexa could feel her heart race faster and faster as she got closer. Going up the stairwell made her thoughts go wild, imagining every single scenario. When she reached the door of Clarke’s apartment, she wasn’t sure if she could knock on the door.

Lexa took a deep breath and cleared her thoughts by focusing on the quiet sound of her surroundings. She let her shoulders relax. Slowly her fist raised and rapped on the door four times. The sound of movement behind the door caught the air in her lungs.

Lexa had been in countless positions that tested her nerves. She’d grown so used to the feeling of adrenaline coursing through her veins as she confronted disputes — ranging from domestic to actual gun and bomb threats — that something like this wouldn’t usually impact her. This time, it felt like she had forgotten how to handle herself.

The door swung open to reveal a familiar pair of blue eyes.

“Hey,” Clarke began as she stood in the doorway with a smile. Lexa gulped down the lump growing in the back of her throat.

“Hey” replied Lexa dryly. The corner of her mouth tugged into a warm smirk. Clarke took a few steps back into her apartment and gestured for Lexa to step in.

When Lexa stepped inside, she took a moment to look around. Everything appeared the same except when she actually looked at Clarke. The blonde was wearing an apron made out of denim and decorated with all kind of paint. In the pockets were many different brushes, and a few still had wet paint on them.

“I was starting to think you wouldn’t come” Clarke said. Lexa let out a nervous chuckle and scratched the back of her neck. She could feel the blush begin to crawl up from her chest.

“It’s been a long day” Lexa replied as Clarke closed the door and walked into the kitchen. Lexa watched closely as the blonde began to wash off some of the dirty paint brushes from her apron pocket.

“I’d imagine. I heard all about it from Raven” Clarke said, not looking up from the sink.

“I never knew you painted” states Lexa, shifting focus away from work. She had enough of being a cop for the day.

Trying to make herself more comfortable, Lexa wandered to a stool behind the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen. She continued to watch Clarke finish cleaning her brushes and putting them on the drying rack next to the sink.

“Yeah,” Clarke began. “I kinda stopped for a while, but I’ve been finding lots of inspiration lately” she turned around and stood across from Lexa.

“Would it be the absolute worst if I could see them?” Lexa asked, suddenly curious about Clarke’s style.

“No,” Clarke began, but paused. She appeared to be thinking. The way her eyes focused on the distance appeared as if she were doing a math equation.

Lexa had always found it adorable when Clarke got lost in her thoughts. It happened often when the rode around town together. Lexa had also seen it when the blonde would do her paperwork.

“Before I do that,” started Clarke. “Let me give you that uhh... thing I was talking about” she took a step back from the counter and disappeared into her room. When she came back there a canvas was in her hands. It was backwards so Lexa couldn’t see what was on it.

Lexa sat back with her elbows resting on the counter and watched Clarke with an eyebrow quirked. The blonde appeared to be nervous. She was chewing anxiously on her bottom lip and avoided Lexa’s gaze when she flipped it over and held it out towards Lexa.

The canvas exploded with life. Vibrant shades of green stuck out as foliage with countless violets sprouting about. Standing proudly in front of white birch trees was a male deer with huge antlers. But there was something different with this deer. It wasn’t like any she’s ever imagined. Growing out of the side of the deer’s face was a second. This head was the complete opposite of the proud looking one.

Lexa analyze’d the second head. The gruesome appearance suggested that it could be a birth defect. There was hardly a healthy amount of hair growing on it and it’s jaw was deformed. Lexa was slightly disturbed by it, but the whole painting was so beautifully done with lot’s of detail that she didn’t really care.

“It’s beautiful” Lexa mumbled, unable to tear her eyes away from it. It was such a beautiful tragedy.

“Can I explain it?” Clarke asked, and Lexa looked up. She smiled and nodded. She wanted to hear Clarke talk about it.

“Well, it’s about PTSD” Clarke began as she walked up next to Lexa. “See how everything is full of life around the deer?” She asked as her hands gestured to all the foliage. Lexa nodded in response.

“It represents everything around me, and each violet is someone who has made an impact on my life” Clarke continued. Lexa found herself not to be looking at the painting anymore. Instead, she watched Clarke as she spoke and gestured to parts of the painting.

She continued to explain that the deer was herself, and she compared the second deer head to PTSD. She explained that getting accustomed to a life with PTSD was like a deer having to get comfortable owning two faces as a fawn. The reason she painted the deer as a full grown buck was to show that if the deer could adapt and survive with two heads, then she could adapt and survive with PTSD.

“So, am I any of these violets?” Lexa asked when Clarke finished. Her blue eyes lit up and pointed to a spot by on the deer’s smallest branch. A thin green stem curled around the sharp bone and a dash of purple appeared in the shape of a violet. Lexa hadn’t even noticed it until now.

When she looked up from the canvas, their eyes locked. Clarke’s blue eyes showed her vulnerability. Lexa felt stupid for having ever doubted the blonde’s intentions. This was probably the best gift she’d ever received from someone.

Lexa placed the painting against her chair and stood up so that their gaze was level. She swallowed nervously at the small gap between them, and her hand cupped Clarke’s cheek. Her thumb brushed the red of the blonde’s cheek. She could feel her own face burning, and her heart pounded as if it were a jackhammer pounding on her ribs.

All of Clarke’s emotions appear to be written all over her face. This was the most Lexa had ever seen. The fact that Clarke actually opened up baffled Lexa, but she couldn’t complain. Being able to see the blonde’s passion was beautiful.

Lexa slowly decreased the space separating them. They were so close that Lexa could smell Clarke’s flowery shampoo. Their knees bumped against each other and their hips grazed before she stopped. She wanted it, but she didn’t want to be the one to actually do it. She wanted to know if this was what Clarke wanted too.

Lexa’s imposing thought had been answered when Clarke’s lips brushed lightly against hers. The space between them disappeared and their lips locked in a slow passionate dance. This time, Clarke didn’t taste like alcohol. Instead, she could taste coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza did not intend for this to be 5,000 words. Thank you all for your comments ! You guys did indeed inspire me to write more, and quicker. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Again, I’m no professional, and I don’t really intend on becoming professional. This is just all for fun !  
> See you again soon, my dudes


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